" No one ever asked me how it felt to be me, but when I told the truth about that; I felt free!" -The Help

Thursday, September 8, 2011

My worst fear...

Have I told you my worst fear yet? Probably not huh? Well, here it is. My absolute worst fear is going into water in a car. seriously. Like, driving next to a river and losing control and going into the river...oh man, I have serious nightmares about that! I watched a mythbusters once about that very thing and they said your best chance is to wait until the car is completely submerged so the pressure equalizes and then open the door. Ha! Are you kidding me? I would not be calm enough to wait until the car completely submerges. And really, what would I be doing while I am waiting? Updating my facebook status? "Just went into a river, don't worry, waiting for pressure to equalize. Meet you all at Jimmy Johns." Yeah. Probably not.  Every time I hear a story about a car going into water I say a big prayer for those involved knowing how scary that would be.

My second worst fear is the dentist! Seriously, talk about panic attacks!

My third worst fear is a little more personal. I am terrified of raising kids while in the ministry. I mean terrified. My husband and I did not have kids for 7 years after we got married. Largely because I could not wrap my mind around raising a pastor's kid.  I have known way to many pastor's kids who have gone off the deep end. They ended up saying things like, "Why would I want to be a part of something that takes my dad away from our family so much?" Or worse, they see hard things their parents go through being in ministry and want nothing to do with it. Or, they think they have to be perfect. Don't get me wrong, I have known PLENTY of good pastor's kids who are doing well and serving in the church. My husband is one example. He is a pastor's kid. But how in the world do you raise your kids to LOVE the church? How do you make the distinction in your kids minds between church and daddy's work? How do you guard your children from the messiness that is ministry when your husband gets called away for an emergency at dinner time? And how do I portray joy during those times when inside I want to scream?

I also fear my kids being judged because they are "pastors kids." Just because my kid's dad is a pastor does not mean they are perfect. In fact...are you ready for this? Our family is not perfect either.  We have tough days. We yell at each other sometimes. Sometimes we don't speak to each other for an evening. Sometimes don't treat each other with respect. We aren't the perfect family, and my husband is the family ministry pastor! I want my kids to have room to be kids and not feel the pressure to be perfect. Of course I want them to be the best that they can be, but I want them to feel the freedom to be who they are. I never want them to feel like they have to act a certain way or be a certain person because they are a pastors kid, but rather because they are a child of God.

I have always planned on being real with my children about most everything. I think they need to know that I am not perfect, I mess up, I say things I shouldn't, I have a bad attitude sometimes and sometimes I wish my husband worked at Walmart. I want them to know it is ok to be frustrated and to ask questions. Otherwise, I fear they will think they have to be perfect because they think I am perfect. Ha! There's basically no chance that will happen. But, where is the line between being real with my kids yet creating in them the same passion for the church that I have?  So many questions....I should probably just stop and watch some football, now that is a mindless activity! 


  1. Wow Joye. I've just started reading some of your writing and it's so insightful. I never grew up as a "pastor's kid" necessarily, but being the Worship and Arts Minister kid isn't all that easy either. It's so great that you're able to see how this situation can play out for your sons and your concern that they'll grow up to love the Church. I wish that my parents had been better about making the distinction between work and church more evident while I was growing up. I do love the Church and I have a passion to serve in it, but the stress from growing up in the background of services and seeing the strain that certain ministries have put on my family has left a spot in my heart that can never "unsee" or "unfeel" that pain and misunderstanding. I look forward to reading more of your writing! Keep blogging! :)